Okay, I’ll take the advertising copywriter position, you know the one that’s budgeted $50K a year plus bonuses and 50% telecommute? That one. I’ll take it.
I wish it were that simple. “Please select another job.” What have I been doing for a year?
Remember how I put the great companies that treat job seekers like people on my list of things for which I am thankful? The above grumble is about the opposite type of job provider, actually, job NON provider. That was the text for a job that I applied for three months ago. It’s still posted. Because in all of this country, so dry of job seekers, their system recognizes me as having been there, but it ate my resume and no one else has applied for the marketing coordinator job. You know, marketing coordinators, mid career, so yesterday. Everyone who’s not a CEO wants to be a fry-cook nowadays!
So, I'm working on a new cover letter/message to leave on voice mail. How does this sound?
Dear Human Resources:
Hi. My name is Nani. My phone number is 419-555-XXXX. I need a job. I need a job REALLY BAD.
I’m pretty open about what I’ll do to earn an honest, steady paycheck. I have a degree in broadcast communications with an undeclared minor in business that I earned with 3.8 grade point average. I have experience, tons of experience. You could put me anywhere and I’d excel. I have entrepreneurial experience, a foundation of professional placements and personal pursuits that add value to me as a future employee of your company.
I have experience as: a project coordinator, a department coordinator, production logistics, field technical troubleshooting, teaching, customer support, administrative support, public speaking, copywriting, web content writing. I’ve assisted in writing a barcode-based computer database and have worked extensively with other custom databases. I have negotiated with nonprofit organizations, government officials and celebrities’ agents. I have both assistant and supervisory experience and I’ve worked with senior citizens and children. I’ve designed a company presence for a trade show booth and worked the crowd with promotional collateral. I’ve swept the floor and cleaned the windows, I can make chili and cookies from scratch to feed a production crew and can make grout shine on kitchen tile with a toothbrush, I can show you pictures! I’LL SHINE YOUR SHOES IF IT MEANS I CAN PAY MY BILLS!
So, please, if you have any openings, consider me. Call me any time. I’m not busy at all. We can meet during the department cleaning week. I’ll bring my toothbrush!
So, whadda ya think? Will it work? ;)
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