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Wednesday, February 16, 2011


The Nani World is currently in a state of unrest. Leave it to me to NEVER be “simple.”

With my nerves on high alert this morning, I met with the neurosurgeon for my consultation. David went too as my flash drive – he’d remember anything I forgot to ask and anything the doctor said that I don’t. We didn’t ask a lot of questions. Ever have a nightmare where you studied for the wrong test in school or researched the wrong company before a job interview? It was kinda something like that.

I had accepted that I have 4 disks that are in some form of messed up in my lower back. I’d also accepted the probability that I’d need surgery to fix them and was actually kinda excited about it. Relief. That’s what most people who I've talked to who’ve had back surgery say about it. I was all set. I’d have surgery, convalesce at a nursing home for a month or so and outpatient therapy after that. I’d be good as new in a year.

Except, that if I have my lower back issues fixed, I won’t be good as new in a year. After some questions, watching me walk, testing reflexes, the doctor said that the lower back is not, I repeat, not what’s causing my balance issues. But I feel the wobbles in my lower back when I fall. But that’s not the CAUSE of the problem.

I have to say that, first impression, I really do like this doctor. He’s compassionate without being coddling and he explains things in a thorough but simple way. He did a fantastic job of making me trust him. I kinda wish he was a family doctor instead of a specialist. But no, I think it’s more important to trust a specialist than your family doctor. The specialists do the big stuff and explain the really important things.

So for now, another MRI. This time the neck and upper spine, which is where a problem would cause a balance issue, even if it feels like it’s coming from the lower back. YAY! More cram Nani in a tube and tell her to stay completely still! David says he couldn’t do it, the completely still part. I’ve studied deep relaxation and meditation for years. I didn’t find the completely still part that hard. It’s actually pretty easy when you’re crammed in a tube anyway. Where ya gonna go?

Anyway, I’m waiting on call backs to let me know that insurance has okayed me getting the additional MRI so I can schedule that. Then it’s back to the specialist. In the mean time I have an appointment to see my regular doc next week. This is where the unrest comes from. I want this all done yesterday. I hate, hate, hate spending all my non-school time in doctor’s offices and hospitals. It’s a quality of life thing. If I’m going to use my wobbles to walk in a commercial building, I want a scoop of ice cream or a latte waiting at the end of the walk. If I’m going to see someone every week or more, I want it to be my Dad, brother or nieces, or Scotty or Kelly or any of the family in Michigan, not a doctor. I married a writer. Never was looking for a doctor to spend all my time with.

For now, I have some of the clarity that was evading me yesterday leading up to this morning, so I’m going to apply it to finishing this week’s Imaging assignments so I can tackle XML.

I’ll keep you all posted!


seamhead gypsy said...

Sorry for your frustration and anxiety. In yet another way, we are similar. I also (too often?) want things done yesterday. I may not have studied relaxation and meditation like you did, but in my 19 plus years as a crime fighter I did learn the ability of acceptance, and to accept things/events on others terms or time. So hang in there, take things one step at a time, and don't look to terribly far off into the future. Think shorter term. After all P & C's are already reporting to camps down in Florida and Arizona.

Edna B said...

First let me say that your roses are just BEAUTIFUL!!! As for wanting everything yesterday, well of course we do!!! Well, I do, anyway. I'm so bad, like a little kid looking in the window of a candy store. Tomorrow is not soon enough.

For this though, it's one day at a time. You have to be very sure before you can do any treating. Just so you know, I'm very proud of you doing so well with your school work with all this other stuff going on.

Keep us posted, and have a great day. Hugs, Edna B.